A Millimeter A Day

When a nerve is lacerated and then surgically reconstructed, it grows back at a rate of about a millimeter a day. This is obviously a very slow process and there is nothing that can be done to expedite the healing. Nothing but time.

A year ago, I knew nothing of reconstructive nerve surgery. Our family was engulfed in the unexpected loss of my dear sister-in-law and precious friend. I was staying with my brother and nieces as they tried to figure out what was to be life without their wife and mother, and struggling to make sense of it all. I've never known such heavy grief and I've come to realize it is simply one of those things I will never fully understand this side of Heaven. After a couple of weeks away from my own lil' family I returned home and to my own role as wife and mother. We spent many hours discussing what had happened, how sad it made us and how thankful we were to have the love and peace of God surrounding us. We tried to put ourselves in my brother's and niece's positions, but the idea alone was overwhelming. We talked about how we simply couldn't imagine how family's cope without His grace and hope. . Then it happened.

I had a terrible accident in my home that resulted in a severe injury to my right arm, including a lacerated artery, median nerve, and several tendons and skin nerves, which completely debilitated the use of my hand. I had to be rushed to the hospital by ambulance, where they determined I had lost an estimated 2-3 liters of blood and would need emergency surgery to repair the damage and hopefully return at least some function to my hand. I've never been more frightened in my life than I was the moment I realized what had happened. I knew it was bad, I knew the artery was severed, and I knew time was limited. I was terrified for my children who were all present, and knew the fear they must be experiencing from seeing all the blood I was loosing....not to mention the thoughts of just loosing their aunt that had to be running through their young minds. It seemed like forever before the ambulance arrived and I pleaded with the Lord during this time to let me stay with them for now. For whatever reason, He answered my plea and I am so very grateful.

You see, God had been working in our family for years. Preparing our hearts, testing, trying, challenging our walk with Him. We had been praying and praying that He would reveal His specific plan for our family, only to repeatedly receive the message of "Wait.". While at the time it was frustrating and confusing, we waited, watching for the moment to arrive when He would say "Go!". It seemed this injury was just another set back, keeping us from embarking on the romantic adventure of servitude I had all planned out in my head. I mean, I couldn't even button my own pants without the help of my 10 year old! BUT..... the presence of God ascended on our home and our family in a way that could be physically felt. Months of painful therapy went by, and while progress was evident, it seemed ever so slow. God used this forced stillness on my part to reach into my heart and reveal His love to me. True Love. Non-judging, ever-present and overwhelming love. A love full of compassion, not expectations. A love that showed me how to cling to Him, and how He really is enough! This time also brought about some very deep conversations for Andy & I as we discussed the "what ifs" and the "now whats". We came to the realization that it was time to fully give it all to God. To step out in faith, exercising our trust in Him and Him alone. Relying on Him to meet us there or fall. All or none. We prayed with each other, with our family and on our own. God slowly began opening small windows of opportunity and saying "Go", and when we did so faithfully, we were all incredibly blessed and awaiting the next window. Several opportunities presented themselves and we pursued each one joyfully. Then a bigger door opened. One we weren't so sure about at first. One we tried to say "it wasn't the right time" or "what if this prevents us from something else"......one we even tried to completely avoid I believe. The door.....foster care.

So here we are. Just over 2 weeks into the adventure of opening our home and our hearts to becoming a foster family. These 2 weeks have tried and tested us like never before. Our hearts have broken in ways we never imagined. We have had exhilarating moments of joy and excruciating moments of sorrow. It's a roller coaster of unpredictability and for every step forward there seems to be 5 back. Progress is being made at the steady rate of well, about a millimeter a day. But, we are learning even more to rely only on Him, we are learning that every step truly is a blind step of faith and we are finding strength and compassion that is undoubtedly supplied straight from His hand and heart. Please pray with us that we will carry this cup in a way that shines His light and brings Him glory and honor, and that the changes in our family will continue to bring us closer to one another and to Him and His will for our lives.

P.S. Thank you dear Robin for posting this scriptural reminder for me today, for this journey is not about me and my sacrifices, but about His compassion being lived out in my life....not just my words.

"But go and learn what this means: 'I DESIRE COMPASSION, AND NOT SACRIFICE,' for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners." 

Just In Case You Ever Wonder...

 

This is absolutely one of my most favorite children's books of all time. But....it has just moved waaaaay up on my list. We received our first foster placements a week ago, one of which is a precious toddler boy who doesn't understand why his world has been turned upside down.

Books are a daily commodity in our home, but he hasn't shown much interest....until today. We have a multitude of children's books in our home....really, HUNDREDS! Out of all these books, character books, sound books, touch and feel books, you name it, he brought this one to me to read to him. He sat affectionately close to me as I read it over and over and over to him. 

"Long, long ago God made a decision - a very important decision... one that I'm really glad He made. He made the decision to make you. 

The same hands that made the stars...canyons...trees...moon and sun made you. That's why you are so special. God made you.

If you looked all over the world - in every house - there would be no one else like you...

You are very, very special.

And since you are so special, God wanted to put you in just the right home...

where you would be warm when it's cold, 

where you'd be safe when you're afraid,

where you'd have fun and learn about heaven.

After lots of looking, God sent you to me.

And I'm so glad He did.

I'll never forget the first time I saw you...

I knew in my heart God had sent someone very wonderful for me to take care of.

Remember I'm here for you.

On dark nights when you hear noises in your closet, call on me.

When you see monsters in the shadows, call me.

On hard days when kids are mean and don't treat you like they should, come to me.

...cause I love you. And I always will, just in case you ever wonder.

I'll teach you about God.

He loves you

He protects you.

He and His angels always watch over you.

And God wants me to make sure you know about heaven. 

It's a wonderful place. 

There are no tears there. No monsters. No mean people.

In heaven you are so close to God that He will hug you, just like I hug you. It's going to be wonderful. I will be there, too. I promise.

We will be there together, forever.

Remember that...just in case you ever wonder."

MAX LUCADO

At one point, about the third time through, I was so overwhelmed by the words and how they meant something so entirely different to me than ever before, and how certain I was that God had this book in my home for this very moment, that I began to cry. Trying not to upset him, I continued to read....but my voice was cracking and my tone had changed, and he had noticed. He leaned up and wrapped his arms around my head, pulling me to his chest and just held me as I finished reading. It was genuine, and it was a gift from God that my heart needed so badly. I am grateful beyond words and in complete awe of Christ's truly amazing grace. I have never experienced it so fully in all my life.

Praise God! His grace truly is ENOUGH!

And thank you Mr. Lucado for sharing this story that speaks God's love so clearly that this sweet boy understood.

I was made to find my refuge in only one place in this life...

Under the wings of God
is where I find my strength to rise

Cause I found favor in His eyes.
Somethin' I could never earn.

My shelter in this raging storm

Nothing can shake me when I'm under...

Under the wings of God.

Singer/Songwriter ~ Mandi Mapes

Girly Stuff!

To cope with my girls being away at summer camp, I made some super girly surprises to welcome them when they came home. I had so much fun!!! Both the skirt and purse patterns are from Whimsy Couture, and the reversible purse pattern is FREE here! Can't beat that! And they have the cutest, whimsical style!

It was so wonderful to have them immediately shower and change into these and then say, "Ah! It feels so good to be a girly girl after a week of tomboy!". What more could a mama ask for??? :) 

Redeemed!!!

So thankful for this timely, overwhelming and encouraging reminder!

Peaceful Reassurance

As I listened to my husband's prayer last night, I was reminded that even now, we are following God's will. Even now, as we wait. Waiting can feel so unproductive. But as he prayed, and thanked God that the reason our nursery remains empty means that there isn't a child in harm's way right now, offered me a peaceful reassurance. And, that if at any moment that changed, our home was open to receive them, but for now, we would celebrate their safety.
Thank you God for this reminder, and thank you for a husband who is an amazing example of what a father's love is!

Actively Praying.

Ready.....and Waiting! :)

If there was a common thread to be identified throughout my posts, particularly the past few months, it would be waiting! And while I'm certainly not the most patient person, I'm learning, at least somewhat, that waiting can be peaceful at times....IF I allow it to be. That is, when I allow my focus and energy, my gratitude and celebration to resonate in the here and now, rather than being overly distracted, to the point of anxiety or frustration, with the planning of what's to come. (not got this one mastered...not sure I ever will, but...)
Now, this certainly contrasts with the measure I most often use to survive a wait time....preparation. Always looking for something to DO! You know, getting ready for what's to come. And since I am still learning, and since everything is READY and therefore nothing left to prepare, I will share some of our preparations with you, to allow you a glimpse of how God has worked to prepare our home for foster care. (and it also gives me something to DO while I wait!) ;)
So, here is our fully stocked nursery that is READY and WAITING for our new little friends...This is the crib that all 4 of my children have slept in. My daddy bought it for me when I was pregnant with #1. Wow! If he could see us now and how very much has changed in our lives since that time! My daddy was one of those people that loved kids....especially little ones. :) I can remember as a child watching the news with him one night when there was an abandoned baby announced. I remember us instantly bonding on the idea of how wonderful it would be to care for the baby. It didn't matter where the baby came from, whether our skin matched or that it would come with nothing, we just wanted to love it and give it what it needed. I insisted that he call the number provided, and without much opposition (other than trying to prepare me for the let down of not getting the baby) he did so, to find out that the baby had already been placed in a home. A very simple memory, but one that stands out for me. Aside from providing abundantly well for our family, my daddy was actively involved in trying to encourage and support those within our family, particularly the youth, who may not have had it as well as we did. His unconditional love for them continues to be a lesson to me.
**Added bonus! This adorable, like-new crib set was given to me by a dear friend who has been a constant and true support to us through this journey! (thank you, love ya!)

What more appropriate message for our nursery than HOPE?! For hope is exactly what we desire to offer the precious children we have the privileged to care for, and their families if given the chance. And as we've learned ourselves, genuine hope only comes from one place...knowing Christ and how much He loves you! If there was only one thing we could give these children, this would be it. Hope makes everything seem possible, even in the darkest moments.

This dresser was my grandmother's, bought for her by my great- grandfather. It is the perfect size for all the tiny sleepers, socks and onesies. Two things atop it in this photo I'd like to mention. One, baby formula. The most interesting thing happened. We had just signed up for PATH (Parents As Tender Healers), the 30 hour training program to become foster parents that is provided by DCS. We hadn't yet completed any information regarding the age group of children we were seeking to care for. Formula coupons and samples began arriving in the mail. My mom was certain this was God's way of affirming our decision....and I think I'm just gonna go with that! :) Second, the photo storage boxes. We've been asked to keep a memory book for each of the children in our care. Each of our children have these boxes, that are fondly called their "special boxes" where we keep special trinkets and such like photos, birthday cards, dried flowers, rocks, memorabilia personal to them. That being a tradition in our family, we had to have extra "special boxes" on hand.

Stocked changing table! Yes, we most definitely will be using cloth diapers! We have a variety of styles and sizes, so everyone is covered in our approved age group, AND we have an amazingly convenient resource for anything additional we may need in this area. ;) We will however be keeping disposables on hand as well for times such as visitations.

These are our amazing thrift store finds!!! Once again, we feel like God provided exactly what we needed! We had a shopping day a few weeks ago to get the remaining items we needed for our home study and nursery. Grammie called and suggested a particular thrift store we had never been to. We found all of these items for $30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, can you believe it?! The high chair was brand new, with the owner's manual for $15! The exersaucer was one of those items we wanted, since we knew how our children had always enjoyed it, but we weren't able to justify the expense since they are typically around $100. We got this one for $10!!! And it's in perfect condition with an adorable Baby Einstein theme! And the lil' bouncy seat...again, great condition and only $5! Thank you Lord for leading us directly to our needs (and wants!) and allowing it all to be within our budget!

No nursery would be complete without books and toys! We had saved a selection of our favorite infant and toddler toys and board books for the "what if", so the children were all excited to pull them all out and get them set up for the baby! (or babies, since we've been approved to care for up to 2 children at a time!) :)

Clothing!!! It was recommended to us during our training that we begin gathering a base supply of clothing to cover the age range we would be caring for. Wow....this was... no, IS a biggie! Trying to establish a wardrobe for either a boy or girl from age newborn to 2 years is a project and expense! Multiple sizes, multiple seasons, and gender neutral must be a thing of the past! We've been on the look out at consignment/thrift stores, yard sales and clearance racks and feel like no one will have to go naked now! lol! But seriously, realizing what a big, upfront expense this can be for families has inspired us to consider some long-term solutions to this dilemma...more on that if God allows it to happen!

We were very blessed to have only had to make one "major" purchase, and that was the infant carseat/travel system. Yes, it is already properly installed in our van and the children have already begun arguing about who gets to sit beside the baby first! :) This purchase is another one of those "Praise the Lord!" kind of things. Being that we had already been shopping most of the day I was beginning to experience a bit of anxiety about all the money being spent. We found this travel system, the carseat has a very nice matching stroller, at Toys R Us on clearance. Additionally, all their clearance items were another 25% off, so we got this set for just over $97! Being pleased that we had probably found the best possible deal we could, we took it to the register. The sales associate was shocked by the price when it rang up and said she NEVER had sold a travel system for less than $100 and that she had previously worked at Babies R Us for 4 years and still....NEVER for less than $100! Again, all the little details worked out, thank you Lord!

So, just a little glimpse of the preparations that have been taking place around here. It's given us all great joy to participate in preparing a special place for these little ones. Now we wait. We wait and pray. I recently told a friend, it's a very strange mixture of emotions....the excitement of caring for these precious children and the anxiety about what will bring them to us. As you think of us, pray for these children....the children of the US Foster Care System....they face things we often could never imagine and like all children are looking to be loved. If you haven't yet, watch the video below, Say Yes, it gives a very good image of this.