STICKY!

At this very moment, if I had to choose just one word to describe my life it would be STICKY! And so that it isn't read as all bad, I'll share some of the why....

popsicles
bandaids
homemade strawberry jam
birth parents
raisins
juice spills on the table
coke spills on the desk
mud from a water fight
hot glue
working with DCS
my sweet boy's chin and fingers and even hair
the way they cling to me
big hugs
sick baby
sweaty shirts
flip flops on dirty feet
more popsicles
toothpaste in my sink
juice box squeezes
bottoms to the slide
kisses, kisses, yummy kisses!


I've certainly got it made!

They really are listening...

The impact of all the talking that goes on in our home as a foster family is something I have become more and more aware of recently. Whether it be my husband and I mulling over the "What Ifs" and preparations or our children simply witnessing our prayers, they are listening. When the case managers visit and discuss the court dates and legal aspects, they are listening. When friends and family ask questions, they are listening. When there is contact with birth parents, they are listening. Additionally, they are watching. Every. Single. Move. Every reaction. And taking in every word.

This my friends, is a heavy, heavy weight. My children are learning of things that I would have chosen to wait until they were much older to discuss with them. Things that make them sad. Things that make them angry. Things that hurt and that there is no explanation, no understanding for. Some of this is just part of the territory. BUT....... it is still my job to protect each of them from too much of any of the above. To guard their tender ears and their tender hearts. To nurture their desire for justice and to guide their misunderstandings to the feet of Our Heavenly Father who holds it all in his hands.

It is important to have those that we can openly share with, and it is important that my husband and I openly discuss the steps of our journey. It is important that we openly discuss this with our children. However, my husband and I have just been talking about how we must be more attentive to what we discuss in their presence. And then today, I read this article that reminded me even further of the importance of discretion for our family. Short term and long term. I am thankful for these reminders. There is no doubt I have failed in this area, but I believe I am being offered a chance to reevaluate and protect in a new way. I intend to make best of this second chance.

Walkin' on Water

I've started to post several times this week, but haven't known where to begin. We have experienced some interesting hurdles that I would just as soon have avoided all together. Nonetheless, they are a reality of the journey we are on.

I've found myself realizing even more how much like Peter I am. As I look to Christ standing upon the water with His hand outstretched saying "Come to me." I have stepped out of the boat, zealous, with my eyes fixed upon Him and His calling. Then......then, I find myself distracted by the waves around us, the threatening of yet another storm and the potential of danger, and all at once, I begin to sink. I sink into the "What Ifs", and of course the "Whys"...both, very dangerous waters. They can quickly consume. Then, like the child I am, I find myself looking up saying "Lord, where did you go? Where are you?" when He has never moved. He still stands firm, hand outstretched to me. It was me who lost sight, not Him. Why, after His proving Himself to me over and over and over am I still so easily rocked by the waves of the circumstances that surround me? Why, oh why is my faith so weak? Why are my eyes and mind so easily distracted from the One who carries it all? 

But then....once I refocus and my heart realigns with Him, in that very moment, without delay, He meets me. And then offers me yet more blessings, tonight, in the form of a sleeping babe on my chest. How overflowing my gratitude is...even if my faith has far to grow. :)

Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord;  trust in him and he will do this.

In My Heart!

Movie night with the family and it's an oldie, Disney's Tarzan. LOVE this song!!!



You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight

I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

[Chorus]
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
The way we feel?
They just don't trust
What they can't explain
I know we're different but,
Deep inside us
We're not that different at all

[Repeat Chorus]

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know?
We need each other
To have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh, you'll be in my heart (You'll be here in my heart)
No matter what they say (I'll be with you)
You'll be here in my heart,
I'll be there always
Always

I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always

A Waiting Life

I'm not a patient person. Let's just get it out there. Surprise for those who know me I'm sure! ;) But patience, in general, does not come naturally for me. I'm a planner. A get-it-donner. I pride myself on efficiency, whether it be making the most of my errand time by hitting all the necessary spots in one trip....even if an unscheduled trip or whether it be having the flow of my day operate smoothly and having lots to show accomplished at the end. Therefore, waiting....waiting just doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit into an "efficient" plan. At least for me. God on the other hand doesn't seem so worried with efficiency. Nope. That one doesn't seem to be at the top of the list or even on His radar for the most part. Instead, He knows exactly the time that is needed in advance for all things to be accomplished according to His will. He has no problem allowing time to pass, seemingly wasted, since He knows that often, the delays of life are as crucial to my growth and fulfillment as His direct answers to my prayers. I am so overwhelmingly thankful that He knows me so well!
I read this in my most favorite devotional, Streams in the Desert, today...
"No amount of persecution will try you as much as experiences like these - ones in which you are required to wait on God."
While I and my family have most definitely seen our share of trials, I must admit the absolute truth of this statement. While I do not like waiting, not even a little bit, I am thankful for the continued growth it brings. In this time, He has given me the opportunity to marvel at His ways and process His work in me. Oh for His patience with me! What a blessing! He knows me fully and yet hasn't given up on me, regardless of how slow the process of my growth at times. Praise You Father for your amazing love!

Years ago, as a young mother, when I read the verse Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God" I can remember thinking "HOW? How can one do that? I'm not a "still" person! I wish I knew how to be. I know this is what God wants of me, but how?". Well, little did I know that He was listening, and heard the silent prayer from within me that my lips didn't even know how to pray. He is teaching me. And slowly, I am learning.

Remorselessly Mothering

So here is the scripture I read today...

Luke 6:27-28

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you."

I'd say this is one of the hardest things for me to do at times. My instinct is to defend, justify, even avoid. I don't want to be around people who hate me! Who does? But the truth is, whether hated or not, we are faced with the challenge to love everyday. Love is most definitely a choice. A choice of selflessness. If I'm honest with myself, it can even be hard at times to truly love those dearest to me....let alone, those who hate me/curse me/abuse me! I'm not one who thinks love can fix all things, but as a Christian, I do believe I am called to love regardless. 

Now, let's make it a bit more complicated. How about when someone hates/curses/abuses one who is dear to you??? Yea, that raises a different hair doesn't it!? It most certainly does for me! Even as I type it. I was just having this conversation with a very dear friend of mine after witnessing her son become unusually upset by a recent incident. Not because someone was mistreating him, but because someone was mistreating one of my children, his friend, someone he cares for. I believe he was fully ready to defend his friend, whatever the cost, when had the ill treatment been directed at him, he most likely would have ignored it. I am thankful for his genuine care and consider it honorable.

So how do you do both? How do you love on both ends of the spectrum, and defend the defenseless at the same time? How is there balance in the two? This is a personal struggle I face almost daily. I think what I have realized for myself is that it all comes down to the motives of my heart. When I stop to more deeply consider my reactions of defense, justification and avoidance they are with the genuine heart of protection in mind. Especially as a mother. I believe those motives are pure. And while my reaction may at times seem harsh or even unloving, as long as my motives are of pure heart, then I believe I am indeed acting in love. For love is not the romantic, gushing emotion portrayed to us through movies and novels. Love is constant. Present. Real. Unshaken. Love takes responsibility for the blessings it is given. Love is selfless.

This is the kind of love I believe God has chosen to display on a regular basis and throughout history, through mothers. A mother's love and nurturing is irreplaceable in a child's life and is like no other. And with that thought, I wish all the selfless mothers out there, who are constant, present, real, unshaken and counting their blessings everyday a very Happy Mother's Day!

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." ~Agatha Christie

Remorselessly Mothering,

Sew Happy Together!

Wow! Has life taken a most interesting twist these past few weeks! Something I am still in awe of and completely grateful for! Fun, exciting, unpredictable and together...what could be better?

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Pausing to do just this, I have an overwhelming list of His goodness and blessings to consider since my last post...
Family Time
Smooth Transitions
Sandy Beaches
Warm Sun
Days filled with nothing
Staying up way too late
Enjoying lots of "junk food"
Hearing my children delight in each other and in His creation
Seashells & Starfish
EASTER
Rest
Safe Travel
Protection from storms
His "Mysterious Ways"
Giggles with my girls
Sofa snuggling
Peace
Playfulness
Witnessing God's hand at work
Kite flying
Blooming personalities
Crabs
Sunscreen!
The sound of the ocean
Flip flops
Forgetting the time of day
Birthday parties
Marshmallow Peeps
Rest Areas
Rare quiet moments when all kids are asleep in the car
True Friends
Grace

I could seriously go on and on, but the point being, I have so much to be thankful for and am especially grateful for the un-distracted time to pause and consider it all.

Living in the moment,