Dreaming

Dreaming. 

Dreaming is not a sign of discontentment, but rather, the indication that there is a desire to grow. 

Dare to dream.

Hello, My Name Is....

Matthew West - Hello, My Name Is (Lyrics) from matthew-west on GodTube.

Abiding

Abiding.

Permanent. Lasting. Constant. Enduring. Stable.

Reminders I regularly need of God's love for me, for I am weak and forgetful. I am doubtful even. But.... I am grateful. Grateful for mercy and grace that abounds. That is new every day. Every day I choose whether or not to accept it. It waits. He waits. Patiently. Longingly. Lovingly.

And He provides reminders that are like serenades to my heart, gently calling me to "COME.". To "TRUST.". To "REST.". 

Reminders like this from my beloved Streams in the Desert....

"The pressure of difficult times makes us value life. Every time our life is spared and given back to us after a trial, it is like a new beginning. We better understand its value and thereby apply ourselves more effectively for God and for humankind. And the pressure we endure helps us to understand the trials of others, equipping us to help them and to sympathize with them."

I am trying to soak this all in. 

Learning His way and will for my life. 

Slowly realizing that true joy, true love are not romantic and beautiful....at least as beauty is often interpreted. They have nothing to do with being happy, as most would imagine happiness. But instead......

.....true love......true joy are an abiding.....a breathtaking abiding that sometimes aches and yet cultivates a heart so full of gratitude that it can't be expressed.

Oh how blessed to have a Heavenly Father that loves us so. 

That loves me so.

That calls to my heart. That never gives up. That doesn't leave or forsake....or even have thoughts of such. I am weak, but HE is strong. 

< 3

Feeling like I'm living right in the midst of a "love lesson" right now.

Love the sweet reminder of this song in my oldest daughters and my favorite movie right now....it get's me every time!

Les Miserables - Finale from Phantom65 on Vimeo.

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

OUCH!!!!

"Cynicism is a unique trap. Cynicism is carnality that thinks it's smart." ~ Beth Moore

OUCH! is right!!!! 

That just bit me square in the center of my foster-mama behind!

I'm not sure that anything in my life has bred cynical reactions and attitudes for me like foster care. Cynicism has almost, at times, been my protection from looking foolish. 

Preventing me from feeling disappointed. 

Perhaps a numbing.

Ouch!

There again....reality bites!

The problem with this.....

It leaves no place for Hope.

No room for healing.

No opportunity for improvement.

And frankly, it's flat our arrogant. 

Yea, that one hurts sinking in too.

Hmmmm......

James 4:6

"But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble'."

Life is full right now. 

Full of appointments, meetings, classes.....full of life.

This past week I attended a special training class for foster parents.

On the way there, alone in my car....which is a significant rarity....the quietness allowed my mind to begin to wander. 

Often when attending foster parenting classes, the experience can be very emotional. 

You have the opportunity to learn a lot. 

Some things you learn and hear are very helpful.

Some things you wish you never knew were a part of our world.

The anticipation of what to expect had my thoughts racing even a bit more than is normal. 

I began to feel anxiety creeping in.....slowly, but consuming, like the night. 

And instantly, I also felt the presence of God lean in and say "I'm here."

He knows me well enough to know that I need that reminder. 

Sadly, that is the case regardless of all the times he has proven himself faithful to me.

Mercifully, he still provides. 

His love is overwhelming.

Even puzzling at times.

As I waited for the class to begin, I walked about the nearby gift shop wasting time.

Then I saw the figure in the photograph above.

This tiny little boy carrying the message of HOPE. 

What strikes me most about the image is that he isn't carrying the message all balled up in a position of guarding or protecting. 

His posture shows no measure of doubt at all.

Completely vulnerable.

Outstretched arms that fully trust.

Believing.

Full of hope. 

Thank you Father for this beautiful, intentional reminder!

Stillness

The deer visited this week.

It's always a special moment when I get a glimpse of their camouflaged bodies making their way through our backyard. 

It's a reminder of my daddy. A reminder of how he loved watching deer. Yes, as a hunter, but even more as an admirer.

What I realized this week is that the deer are additionally a reminder to me to be still. To pause. To fully absorb, if even only for a moment, the moment in which I find myself. Observing their every inch. Soaking in each twitch of their tail and turn of their ear as if it were the very last time I would ever lay eyes on them.

Perhaps this was what they also provided for my daddy. 

Today, I wake with an even greater clarity of this need for stillness. 

Today, my heart aches for mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, students, a community, a country, where everything changed in a moment.

I know this feeling personally.

I understand the thoughts that replay over and over and over in your head considering all the possible alternatives that might have allowed for a different outcome.
I know the questions being asked.
The chaos of emotions.
I know the physical ache that there is no remedy for.
The thoughts of how to move on.....how to even force that next breath.
I understand feelings of hopelessness.
And just when the darkness seems it will swallow all, there is a flicker.
A reminder of something more.
A light that will never go out.
Constant.
A Healer of all hurt.
A Redeemer of all broken.
True Justice. True Love. True Peace.
The One and Only cure for evil.
My Jesus.

And so, I pray.

Why Pray?

Romans 8:25-26 "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."