You know those times when you think you have made progress in your life? When you have the idea that you have "grown" to a new place, a new understanding and that what others think really doesn't matter? Isn't it funny how God chooses to take those very times to give us a bit of a reality check? To remind us who we are, where we have come from and frankly who we would be without Him. Yea. Sometimes it's really not funny at all.
Last night we had more foster parenting classes. (Yes, it is very interesting that we invest more hours in training than birth parents often do, but that is the reality of the situation.) This time wasn't near as pleasant as Saturday. There were a couple of very opinionated and frankly, clueless individuals in the class that had me feeling like a cat petted backwards. And regrettably, I reverted to my sarcastic, fleshly self rather than allowing His grace to show....protection mechanism that obviously still needs work.
Note to anyone considering foster care: If you are naive enough to believe that "love can fix anything" or that "all a child needs is a hug/love/attention/fill in the blank" just be quiet and listen. Don't contribute. Because if you are in the system long enough, you will meet "the one" that absolutely shatters it all. And if God quickly and clearly wants to develop your humility, compassion and understanding of how genuinely clueless you are, He may even allow that "one" to be your first placement. And if you are quiet at the beginning, or before you have met "the one", you won't feel as stupid when it all happens. I promise. :)
For now, I'll just keep trying to swallow this reminder...
Proverbs 20:9 Who can say, "I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin"?