....well, when I started this blog, I intended it to be a regular reminder to me to be content. A place to journal my thoughts, prayers and journey while counting all the blessings in my life. It has been that, sure, but it has been so much more. And I'm learning that my desire for more or different than my current situation isn't lack of contentment, when it is from the Lord.
I feel without a doubt God has been opening my eyes and my heart to very specific things that leave me feeling ANYTHING but content. Things that I want to see changed, eradicated and replaced with justice, family and unconditional love. I am certain that the things that break my heart are at the same time breaking the heart of God. I don't doubt His desire to see these things changed, eradicated and justified. What I'm not yet clear about is my and my family's specific role. How we fit into the picture of change and justice. How we can make a real difference, an eternal impact. So, I try to work diligently with what is at hand for this moment, doing the best I can with what I have and where I'm at....but in all truth, it does become discouraging at times, heavy and frustrating. I am not content with it. Perhaps this is by design. Perhaps this is what spurs us towards His plan. Perhaps we are making a difference even now, in ways we are unaware of.
I have an amazing family! Truly amazing! And when I look at all that I am blessed with, there is a contentment that rises within me. But that contentment seems to be challenging me to look even further outside myself.....and my comfort. And so, contentment, like many things in my life....love, Christianity and God Himself....is being redefined. The process can be painful at times, but my prayer is that the outcome brings Him glory. And oh how thankful I am that He is full of patience and mercy and genuine love for me! That He sees my heart and knows my motives and speaks softly and in a way that I am able to recognize immediately that He is near. I may not be content, but I am certainly grateful!